Girl on Transit

Episode 6 – The constant Change

It is said, and it is also written in ecclesiastic 3:1-8 that there is time for everything in this world, and for this same reason, I would like to shed some light to some sad reality. There will always be time for everything in your own world, and time will come when you may have to let go of your unhelpful environment and of circumstances that may pull you behind.

When this time comes, it will be important that you learn to move on. There will be time that you will swim in money, you will be able to influence your environment and the people around you, then there will be a time that the money will be no more and you may have to lower your living standards.  As mother taught us, it is always important to create a life balance and to be able to adjust to every situation, so that you may save yourself the trouble and embarrassment of adjusting to life’s surprises.

Dear sister, we all make plans on how we would like to live, who we would like to be associated with, where we would like to stay, the schools we would like to attend and the kind of men we would like to date.

Peers, siblings and parents may also give us pressure to maintain status quo, and we may fail to make everyone happy. I mean if you are a lady of character then you will annoy a few close people, and this may sometimes lead you to look down on yourself.

It would be cruel of me dear sister if I did not out rightly tell you that at times, we do not get what we desire. It does not mean we have done something wrong, or we have offended anyone, it just means it is not the right time, and for that reason not all dreams may come to pass, maybe you will never get the explanation as to why.

There are many slums all over the world, prostitutes in the streets, beggars, and many other situations that you may never dream of for yourself, yet if you think of it, all this people who are in these circumstances have dreams and ambitions as well.

When things do not turn out the way you expect, there are three healthy things you could do; first is to analyze your situation and see if there is anything you can do to turn your circumstance around. Second is to figure out what you can do differently and actually acting on your state, and third is to let go of your past situation and be content with your new situation, upon realization that there is absolutely nothing else you can do.

If you understand this, then you understand that it is actually possible to live a stress free life, by simply acting or letting go of the past. Either choice will influence the kind of person that you become.

In our society today, we have set our own standards so high that sometimes we forget to enjoy what has freely been given. Dear sister, neither money, nor a good car, nor a good partner, nor a good home can breathe into your nostrils for you to come to life, not even those expensive joints you go to with your girlfriends can do that for you. I mean, all these things are nice, in fact even I love them, but I know better than to let these things define who I am and who I become.

As you grow older, depression will stop being the word you heard about, you will see it more frequently in your environment. Depression has often landed many young people in mental institutions; some have even met their death through this state of mind.

I now write this chapter because I would like you to understand that life is likely to change, but it does necessarily mean that you also must change.

It is important that you have something that grounds you, and be smart enough to make it something that cannot be taken from you.

Learn to accept change; it is the only constant thing in the world. Learn to let go if you must, forgive, love and accept.

Girl on Transit

Episode 5 – Girl in the Mirror

As much as we may look alike, grown up in the same environment and share some DNA, we are totally different human beings. For example, you have your own signature that no one else can acquire. For this reason, you have no need to try and look like another person.

Do not close yourself in the world of jealousy and unhealthy competition. The only person who you should compete with is the girl in the mirror. Do not be in a rush to live a life that your friend has set out for herself.

You have to understand that you do not live in the same circumstances as someone else, and anytime you rush to keep up with someone, you are setting yourself aside and trying to make another copy of another person, a photocopy. Being clueless on the number of days assigned to you on this earth, imagine then breathing in on another person’s life, having no clue of your own capability.

Take your time to discover your own self, understand what you love and what you loath, and discover your own purpose in life. Make your own lifetime plans, that way there will be no place for you to be involved in someone else’s plans.

If you consciously choose to be a copy of another, please also understand that you do not have the full picture of what the original person looks like.

Little sister, do not underestimate your own ability, do not allow the pressure of the world turn you away from becoming whatever you were intended to be. With wisdom, learn to even let your own parents understand that you are your own person, and that in no day will you become like me or anyone else.

What I have come to understand in life is that whatever you put your mind to, you can actually achieve, so if you have your own ambitions, moving in your own pace and time, being persistent and consistent, you are likely to achieve your own dreams. You do not want to leave this world unable to figure out exactly what you have been doing in your whole lifetime. I of course would not want that either.

When I was young, I dreamt of becoming a princess, and so did many other girls of my age. Each one of us had a unique desire to have our own unique castles and kingdoms. Somehow, we thought that the world was big enough for all of us to be future queens. As we grew older, we started competing for attention and for different resources; this diverted us from our direction in life.

Jealousy and unhealthy competition became the order of the day and for some the realization of having lost track of their destiny came too late. Do not let this be your destiny, let each princess rule her kingdom while you rule your own kingdom.

In love aspire to advice friends when they go wrong, be happy when they succeed and learn from them on making your life better. This way you help each other move towards your destiny.

With the blessings of God, you will get to whatever destination God has ordained and in the process; you will always remember you are a unique human being.

Girl on Transit

Episode 4 – Sponsor Business, Bad Business

Now, of all the things this digital era brings our way, this sugar daddy or sponsor affair has got to be the most disturbing. In this case when I say sponsor, I mean a person who provides all material and monetary benefits in exchange for sexual pleasure.

We now leave in a society where our morals have been eroded and traded for money and nothing matters more than financial independence. As if there is anyone who is ever satisfied with the kind of money they make.

Most young people pursue quick ways of making money in order to maintain high lifestyle. This has resulted to the increased vices and crimes such as stealing, drug trafficking, gambling and young girls dating men old enough to be their grandfathers currently referred to as sponsors.
If I may bring you to a realization, my dear sister, no woman has ever had or will ever have enough money, yet there are women who have chosen to be happy and rich in respectable manners.

My take is; you do not need a rich elderly man to sponsor you then abuse your body and pay you for it. A man who clearly does not fit in your long-life plans and who is likely to leave you behind having willed all his wealth and property to his wife and children. Yes, I said his wife, the woman who actually helped the old man create all that wealth.

Our generation is clearly being misguided from many quarters. What mother told me about wealth and what experience is slowly teaching me is that there is no tag as to who gets to be wealthy, and thus there is nothing that is actually stopping anyone from making their own wealth. As mother puts it, ‘money has no brain, you have’.

I am sure that there are younger men who belong to your circle of friends or whom you have interacted with, who could qualify to be your husband. Men who will give you respect, have realistic expectations of you and grow with you as you make your own empire other than try to benefit from another woman’s sweat.

There is something that I strongly believe we have been given as women. We can get what we want, whether good or bad. I guess young girls have discovered this and use this skill to lure old married men to their beds in exchange for money and lofty lifestyles.

While every man can work, every woman can convince a man to give her whatever she wants. Again, let me give you examples from the Holy book; In the beginning, it was Eve who pushed Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, it was Delila who deceived Samson into giving the great secret of his strength, it was Esther who convinced the king to spare the lives of her people the Jews, and finally Jacob worked for 14 years to get his bride Rachel.

These activities happened in a time long before our existence, imagine then the power we hold now to make us whatever we wish in the eyes of our own men.

In summary, the point that I am trying to bring across to you is that women are strong people. This automatically makes you a strong person.

Now that you know the strength that you possess, dear sister, how about being content with what you can afford for now?

Dear sister, you can dare to dream. I suggest that you become patient for your man to find you, after which you can practice your strength by loving this man towards his destiny which must be great if you have placed yourself in the right set of mind. A contented woman is a happy woman, a woman who believes in planning from the few resources that may be available in her hands and the hands of her man. Any man that loves you and makes you happy is a man in whom you hold ability to guide towards whatever life direction you wish to take.

Believe me when I say that growing to wealth together with your partner is more respectable and rewarding than easy wealth. For example, if there is a vehicle that you fancy so much and you are unable to afford at the moment, it is possible to marry a man without a vehicle and encourage him to save towards owning one. You could help him save up and even add up on his savings to acquire the vehicle. I guarantee you that this man will not only love you but respect you for your ability to change his destiny, which by then you should be part of.

A man that you love and respect is a man that will seat down to listen to your opinion and keenly pick what is important. This is a man who will pick encouragement from your voice and work hard towards giving you whatever you may desire. This is a lesson I best learned from mother, and which I strive to achieve in my own marriage. A lesson that can testify for itself.

Little sister, money from a sponsor is easy money, and we all know, that easy come, easy go. Pray to God, set your hope in Him, open your eyes to wise counsel and your destiny will fall into place.

Girl on Transit

Episode 3 – Life of Value

Dear sister, as I earlier mentioned, night clubs were meant for music lovers and not beer lovers. There is a popular saying, “You only leave once” but no one remembers to quote that we have no spare for our one life. It is important that you remember, every time an unfriendly body substance is near you, that there is only one body, and once it is gone, everything is gone. One really cold day as I walked about in town, I met a girl almost my age dressed in a really tiny skirt and vest. While I understand that everyone curries their own weather, I wonder if that girl had any idea of what hypothermia could do to her body. It is not only alcohol and cold that have fascinated me about the way we live our lives today, but also matters drugs and contraceptives which are now mostly abused and misused by the younger generation. I am yet to understand the choice of injecting un-prescribed drugs into the body. I hear it is meant to be a pleasurable and relaxing experience, until of course I see youths landing on their graves here and there. Contraceptives are being used by girls as young as 11 years, an act that is not only socially wrong but morally unacceptable. All this are signs of disrespect to the most important person in the world, I, and if I could disrespect myself this way, how then do I expect others to look at me with a valuable eye? Am sure you have heard of the saying that ‘you only get what you deserve’, it is quite common this days, it has been common for a very long time, and that is exactly it. When you harm your body in any way, expect your body to react in a harmed manner, and when you treat your body with respect, expect your body to be healthy and in return giving you a longer lifespan. All actions have consequences. The word consequence in this case simply refers to an often bad or inconvenient result of a particular action or situation. Whatever one chooses to do, whether good or bad, one is likely to suffer the consequence in life, I will give you some very common examples of stories found in the Bible. Today we talk of the Virgin Mary, Saul the persecutor, Peter who denied Jesus three times, the prostitute that was pardoned by Jesus among many other people of whom we know very little about, apart from what is written of them. Yet we have stereotyped them out of the actions they took despite the fact that in the stories we have read they managed to turn their circumstances around. We all know that Mary was only a virgin until when she delivered the holy child Jesus, she got married to Joseph and proceeded to have other children. Yet we continue to call her the Virgin Mary. Saul whose Name later changed to Paul met God on his way to Damascus to persecute Christians; he turned his ways and actually proceeded to preach the gospel of Christ. Yet we still remember him as Saul the persecutor. Peter repented for denying Jesus is his time of need, despite having been pardoned, we still remember him for his actions. I could give you more and more examples of our present situations, and yet we are still called out for our actions. It is not only in being called out for our actions but also the feeling that comes with it. It goes to prove that every deed good or bad has its significance in our lives. So do not be fooled younger sister we shall rip in reward for everything we do to our bodies. There is a great difference between forgiveness and consequences. If I abuse my own body and it is only my business, I could forgive myself. If I steal and then seek forgiveness, I could be forgiven for my actions, but the consequences will still follow me wherever I go. You may have heard of the saying ‘choices do have consequences’. To avoid all the drama that comes with consequences it is safer to be keen on not only what we do with our life, but what we do with our bodies. There are some people I know who chose to skip popular cultures in favor of conservative lifestyle and who are now living a happier more fulfilled life as a result of making those choices. There are some things that may seem good, but are unimportant and others that may look unimportant for the young generation but are totally essential for a lifetime. It is true that we only leave once in this world, but we should also put in mind that we do not belong to ourselves, for we cannot explain how we came into existence.  
Girl on Transit

Episode 2 – In Father’s Footsteps

There is a lot to say about our father, though you have known him in his older years, I can tell you of his younger years. I can tell you of his hard work, his sleepless nights, his tough eyes that kept all boys off my path and his polite smile that could almost hide his ability to whip us thoroughly whenever we disrespected our mother. Father was an active participant in our growth and well being; I can remember him teaching me how to walk and sing lullabies with his crock voice. But that is not why I want to talk about our father, I would like to tell you more of his reflection on the man you will one day marry. Father has taught us well, took us to the best schools, bought us the best clothes, we have had the best meals and occasionally we would go to exotic places where he spent his hard-earned money to keep a smile on our faces. Father has shown us how we ought to survive when we have and even when we don’t. He has taught us to be content and to love life and the people in it. Father has valued our mother in a way that cannot escape our sight. He didn’t have much money, but we considered him to be our hero, the richest man in the world. We revere him and regard him as our king. You may not see it now, but the seeds that he continuously cultivates in us are bearing fruits as we mature into young women with our own ambitions and life plans. Father’s pride and satisfaction can clearly be seen each time we go through a rite of passage. Be it a graduation, confirmation, wedding and many others. You see, every time he holds my hand to takes me towards my next step in life, he simply gives a faraway smile, almost not letting in on his happy thoughts, am sure you can relate to his facial expression. He holds his head high, holds my hand tight, looks around almost like seeking attention from anyone who cares to look and walks with pride that can be compared to that of the Lions of the jungle. This feeling my sister is a feeling that, you may never understand unless you have had your own share of making the old man proud. I tell you this to make you understand that even though you have experienced our father’s love in his older years, when he has less energy to use the rod on you literally, he continues to provide you with the best. There is a lot to say about our father, though you have known him in his older years, I can tell you of his younger years. I can tell you of his hard work, his sleepless nights, his tough eyes that kept all boys off my path and his polite smile that could almost hide his ability to whip us thoroughly whenever we disrespected our mother. Father was an active participant in our growth and wellbeing; I can remember him teaching me how to walk and sing lullabies with his crock voice. But that is not why I want to talk about our father, I would like to tell you more of his reflection on the man you will one day marry. Father has taught us well, took us to the best schools, bought us the best clothes, we have had the best meals and occasionally we would go to exotic places where he spent his hard-earned money to keep a smile on our faces. Father has shown us how we ought to survive when we have and even when we don’t. He has taught us to be content and to love life and the people in it. Father has valued our mother in a way that cannot escape our sight. He didn’t have much money, but we considered him to be our hero, the richest man in the world. We revere him and regard him as our king. You may not see it now, but the seeds that he continuously cultivates in us are bearing fruits as we mature into young women with our own ambitions and life plans. Father’s pride and satisfaction can clearly be seen each time we go through a rite of passage. Be it a graduation, confirmation, wedding and many others. You see, every time he holds my hand to takes me towards my next step in life, he simply gives a faraway smile, almost not letting in on his happy thoughts, am sure you can relate to his facial expression. He holds his head high, holds my hand tight, looks around almost like seeking attention from anyone who cares to look and walks with pride that can be compared to that of the Lions of the jungle. This feeling my sister is a feeling that, you may never understand unless you have had your own share of making the old man proud. I tell you this to make you understand that even though you have experienced our father’s love in his older years, when he has less energy to use the rod on you literally, he continues to provide you with the best. My younger sister, when time comes for you to settle down and start your own family, it will be important that you understand that the man that finds you should have the same spirit that father has used to shape us, a man who not only can love selflessly but also disciplines consistently. A man who will love you with the same love that father has shown to our mother or even more. A man who will be a friend to your sons, a man who will hold your daughter’s hands into her destiny. May the man that finds you have the values that have kept us revering our own father. Please note that I did say ‘The man who finds you”, for women do not find men, it is not in our place. During creation, Adam went into a deep sleep so that Eve may be created from his rib. God called Eve ‘woman’ for she came out of man. It is only a man who can identify his missing rib, and not vise visor. It is important that you know your place my sister, for it will save you a lot of trouble and give you so much respect. Having a man in whom you see your father’s reflection gives you so much comfort, it is easier for him to dedicate his life to you and so much easier for you to submit to his authority. You are more likely to see what kind of children you are likely to bring up, the kind of life you will get if you can see your father in your husband. If by chance you did not experience a father figure, it is much easier for you to be found by a man who reflects the father you would have needed. A bonus point is when he gets along with your father, making you a beloved child and who wouldn’t want such an experience? Dear sister, your father is your mother’s lifetime partner, the kind of love between them cannot be compared to the love father has for you. Let your own lifetime partner find you, a partner who will continue with the same work father had started of raising you to be an exemplary human being. Father’s lifetime is totally different from your lifetime, unless God has called you to live in singlehood, dear sister, I pray that my future brother in law will be the man of your dreams, the man that will keep up the standards set by our own father, that will put father in a happy mood for the rest of his lifetime. Dear sister, go to school and get some higher education. Make a career for yourself and be your own success, but do not be fooled, the right partner for you will never prevent you from achieving your goals. When this partner finds you, do not be afraid to be found, for your life could only get better. Please note that I did say ‘The man who finds you”, for women do not find men, it is not in our place. During creation, Adam went into a deep sleep so that Eve may be created from his rib. God called Eve ‘woman’ for she came out of man. It is only a man who can identify his missing rib, and not vise visor. It is important that you know your place my sister, for it will save you a lot of trouble and give you so much respect. Having a man in whom you see your father’s reflection gives you so much comfort, it is easier for him to dedicate his life to you and so much easier for you to submit to his authority. You are more likely to see what kind of children you are likely to bring up, the kind of life you will get if you can see your father in your husband. If by chance you did not experience a father figure, it is much easier for you to be found by a man who reflects the father you would have needed. A bonus point is when he gets along with your father, making you a beloved child and who wouldn’t want such an experience? Dear sister, your father is your mother’s lifetime partner, the kind of love between them cannot be compared to the love father has for you. Let your own lifetime partner find you, a partner who will continue with the same work father had started of raising you to be an exemplary human being. Father’s lifetime is totally different from your lifetime, unless God has called you to live in singlehood, dear sister, I pray that my future brother in law will be the man of your dreams, the man that will keep up the standards set by our own father, that will put father in a happy mood for the rest of his lifetime. Dear sister, go to school and get some higher education. Make a career for yourself and be your own success, but do not be fooled, the right partner for you will never prevent you from achieving your goals. When this partner finds you, do not be afraid to be found, for your life could only get better.
Girl on Transit

Episode 1 (Dear Sister)

Dear sister, in these times, everything has become digital. Children are educated by use of laptops while they play on gadgets such as play stations. Goods and money are traded through computer and mobile transfer.

Life has become much faster and easier compared to the analogue times when teachers taught by use of black boards and dusty chalks and children played with ropes and mad in the fields. Those days, money was carried in cash for any trade.

I write you this letter because similarly I have realized how old fashioned or as they like to call us analogue I seem to be, and how progressive your world is – the digital world as they call it.

We are not so many years apart by age, but as you know even a few years can be a big difference. Every time I set my eyes on you I see a smaller version of myself, a more defined, beautiful and elaborate woman. Not that I consider myself doing badly on those fronts, just that we do not belong to the same generation.

When I was growing up, the word dead beat was an adjective hardly heard of. Dead beat is now used to refer to dads that neglect their parental responsibilities.

Nowadays there are many reported cases of dead beat dads. They never provide nor show up for their families, this has contributed to a lot of havoc in the family unit. Single mothers are left to raise children alone.

Daddy was always glad to see little chubby me, he proudly showed me off to his friends. He carried me on his shoulder like all responsible fathers did and played games with me. Daddy had some serious dreams for me, most of which have since come to pass as I will soon share in this letter.

I have grown up seeing mothers respecting their husband and being happy making them dinner in the evening and waving them goodbye in the morning before setting off to their daily chores. I have seen mother refusing to have dinner with us because she is waiting for father. As we (her children) went to bed, she patiently waited in the leaving room, sometimes dozing off only to be woken by her husband’s presence.They eat together as she inquired about his day and encouraged him. Mother remained behind to clear the table as father prepared for bed. Mother has always been the last one to bed and the first one up to make sure that we were all good and set for the day.

In my younger years, many men and women abstained from sex before marriage. It was socially unacceptable to experiment with sex, not even with one partner. It was shameful to even mention the word sex; it was one of those words that were talked in low tones. If you were of age, and a specific boy liked you or showed interest, he married you properly and spent the rest of his life doing what we now call dating, you most likely have seen how senior parents from their late 40s and above relate to each other, that is what I am referring to.

In those days, what we now call clubs were called discos. They were mostly attended by music lovers and not beer lovers. I can recall one of the stories our mother narrated to me how she liked taking ‘Fanta Kubwa’ and dancing to ‘twist music’ whenever she went to disco with our father. (Fanta is a common soft drink currently not associated with clubbing)

Beer was favorite with elderly men, mostly married men with children, men who had something serious to think about. Yes, men and not the youth competing on who can gallop the most alcohol, twerk and go home with a one-night partner in the name of dope night.

Young ladies stayed at home with their families, they had interesting things to talk about, experiences to share and games to play. They learned some major skills, made their own money and became respectable women in the society.

While I was growing up, girls knew better and were not known to date their grandfathers for easy wealth. They were also wary of contracting Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and mostly stayed away from risky sexual behaviors.  Children were regarded as a blessing to the society, there were fewer incidences of abortions and mentions of quack doctors.

The society encouraged healthy competition, jealousy was rare, young people listened to their elder’s advice. We all understood the power of silence so we did our things silently and let the results show. But all that was in the analogue era, it is now the digital error, and things are quite different.

At present, the dress code for both young and mature ladies are so revealing with most almost walking nude for fashion sense. Everyone minds everyone’s business, even when it’s none of their business. Sex has become rampant; girls are now more afraid of pregnancy than they are of HIV/AIDS.

Bars and clubs are now filled with young girls who care very little about morals and know little about money. They think little is much, because it can be spent in a club, drinking silly and impressing their peers.

There are however good and admirable things about this digital generation, some of which have even been adopted by the older generation.

The best part of me is to have a digital version of myself, an image that even I seat and admire, my sister, you to whom I dedicate this letter.

My younger sister that must adapt to the digital era, dress trendy and still maintain some mystery, look beautiful and preserve moral and family values, talk wisely, be respectable and adorn all the good of the digital era.

It’s as though I was born to be an experiment so that there can be a masterpiece. So, I choose to be your experience, so that you may be my masterpiece.

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