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KEEP DREAMING

‘What are your dreams?’ An acquaintance asked me this question recently, a question that should have been easy to answer but which I speak of so much that finally it lost its meaning.

Have I really lost my focus in life? To a point that it took me three minutes to align myself to my destiny?

While I was growing up, I often told my family and friends that I was destined for greatness, I truly believed it, I was convinced. In that same breath I worked so hard that I could actually see greatness calling me.

But somehow on the way, when life challenges started nocking, I allowed nature to discourage me, I became more of a survivor than a dreamer.

So what is my dream? It’s sure not to own a big mansion that I will leave in by myself, or a vehicle that I will seat on the back left and watch as people clear the way for me. Neither it is to get my meal for the day and wait to struggle for tomorrow, I have a legit dream. A dream that is likely to fulfill my heart’s desire, a dream that will lead me to my destiny.

If by following my heart I will end up with a big mansion, so be it. If by being passionate about my dreams I will dine with the queens and kings, then let it be so.

But for now, I struggle to focus, to focus on my dream despite the many hills and valleys that may come with life. I am focusing my eyes on the end goal which is my greatest desire for myself and those that will come after me.

I am back in the race, to realize my dream.

But what is my dream? My dream is to use my God given talent for greater good. The older we get, the easier it becomes to forget our talents and our hobbies. We wake up every morning serving people hardheartedly because we are just but surviving, yet we can serve within our gifts and enjoy our service to humanity.

So my goal is to serve you with the best of my ability within my God given gift. Because within me, I can be my best, I can serve you happily and I can feel accomplished.

Wait, what is your dream?

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Insecurities and body issues

I have been completely insecure about my body until recently when I was looking at old photos of myself. This is not a new topic on this blog, I have previously written about my struggles with my pot belly and how I lived with the struggle. I still struggle with my pot belly, now it’s even worse because any sign of a protruding stomach and people are congratulating and asking for due dates of an imaginary pregnancy. I am clearly human, and I have struggles relatable to other women out there.

Until then when I was looking at those photos, I always looked at myself as a fat woman. In fact to get it off my head, I would announce that I am fat before anyone did whenever I was in a gathering. Not only did I think I was fat, I also thought I was tall despite the tact that I am only 5feet 4inches. I intentionally avoided sitting in specific angles and standing in the dark just so that I do not appear optically gigantic.

My photos of the recent past however put me to shame, they gave me a reality check and made me realize how beautiful I am and how my flows have played a big part in making me who I am. Looking back, I realize I am not a fat person. If the infamous slim possible was still airing on our local television, there is a high chance I wouldn’t have qualified to participate. I know bigger people than I thought of myself, and yet even them wear their beauty with pride.

Looking back, I do not see a gigantic lady. I see the smile in her face, a smile that covers her insecurities but which I smiled back at because it was just so beautiful. I saw eyes that showed the inside of a beautiful soul, then at that moment I realized I was not what I had perceived myself to be. In that moment, I had a flash back at all the complements that I thought were just being told, and I realized that they were meant and true, I truly did look good. My outfit made sense, my face looked healthy and even I would have thrown those complements at myself.

In that moment I realized I am not what I think of myself, I am better and I should know better. I now see a beautiful woman, I spend an extra minute at the mirror, I smile at myself, and I admire my own eyes and drool at my own legs. I now realize that even with my imperfections, I am still perfect, and I am embracing that perfectness.

Have you looked at your old photos lately? Do you see yourself in the mirror?

Girl on Transit

I am Not a Proverbs 31 Woman

I have missed four posts on my blog in the recent past. I genuinely do not have an excuse for it. I admit that I was unable to manage my schedule or my daily activities, and my blog suffered the consequence.

At first exhaustion was my excuse, I was just too tired at the end of the day and too anxious at the beginning of the day to write down what’s on my mind. However today I was reminded of what I have become; I am not exhausted, I am not anxious and am not having a busy schedule, I am just not the proverbs 31 woman.

For a long time women have spoken of a Proverbs 31 woman as a boss lady, a legit slay queen, a sexy boss woman like the one Ne-yo sings about in his famous miss independent lyrics. I like to identify with this woman, because I too am a boss lady by own right, I have turned not just heads when I walk into a room but I have also intrigued minds and created candid conversations that have brought change to my society. A girl younger than me or a modern day preacher would easily call me a proverbs 31 woman, not aware that away from the boardroom and the good looks, my husband had his breakfast at a cafeteria in his workplace, my blog went unattended and if I did have children, the nanny, not me would have been the first to know about their strengths and weaknesses.

It’s easy to assume and until that moment that I actually decided to look into the holy book and see what a proverbs 31 woman looks like, I would have been convinced that I am one of those. I have clearly not achieved wholeness, where I am able to balance my whole life without any part of it suffering.

I don’t know if you care to understand this woman, or if you wish to become her, but I am on a journey to become. I am beginning to understand just how equal woman was created to man. It’s easy for us women to put away our money and depend on our partners. The men do not mind, they were raised and prepared to be the providers not just of material things but for guidance and leadership. We have laid back and left that responsibility to them, hence when we make moves, when we prosper in our careers and afford our own lifestyle, we have confused that for the proverbs 31 woman, we think that is an exceptional thing to become, yet it’s meant to be the norm.

It came as a shock to me when I read the real Proverbs 31 and realized there is more to this woman than what we have perceived her to be. She is a woman who directly provides guidance to her sons. She leads by example and is intentional to her sons, so that they may know and understand what a woman must look like, so that when time is right, they may look deeper than the physique and find the right woman for themselves.

 She looks good and beautiful, but she understands that it all fades away and the values that she stands for will be the foundation she builds for herself and generations to come. She invests more on her wholeness and just but a fraction on her appearance.

A proverbs 31 woman is a selfless woman, before she finds time for herself, she has placed her children, her servants and her husband first. It will surprise you that she, not her servant, is the first up in the morning and the last to bed at night. She looks through her household and corrects what needs to be corrected and notes what needs to be worked on. Her husband talks about her with pride because she has caused him respect among other people in the society.  

She too owns pieces of property that she has used wisdom to acquire, they are not just her investments, but investments she makes for her household. Her businesses succeed and she is never worried about tomorrow because she has prepared well for it.

I am not well prepared for tomorrow, in fact I am hardly well prepared for today. I worry about the things I have to achieve and I am realizing it’s because I do not take enough time to prepare for my day. I fight to wake in the morning, and let’s admit it, we all have a secret stash somewhere safe for ourselves.

The proverbs 31 woman is basically a woman that provides, protects, gives guidance, raises generations, and fights for her family. She is a business woman, a wise woman and most importantly the woman who even her own children can attest that she is blessed.

I don’t know if I will ever to explain why I really don’t think I am a proverbs31 woman, but I encourage you to stop by Proverbs 31, it’s nice that we talk about it, but it’s time we understand what it really means to be a proverbs 31 woman.

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Is It Really a Love February?

All of a sudden everyone is excites about February. The ladies are because its the month of love, and they expect many treats from their significant others. The Gentle men are just glad that January is over, it might as well roll over from January to March they wouldn’t care. Either way January is over, and the month of love is finally here. But before we get all swamped in, I thought I should share with you what you need to know about love. Realistically love is not a one day affair, no one can save up their love the entire year so that they can unleash it on the 14th of February. In my own opinion, this day should just be another reminder of a daily activity. So for those looking for one day treats, one day intimacy and one day affection, I got tips to show you if its just a one day affair or if you will be in for a long haul. Be keen on the conversations you have with your significant other, whether you have known him for a day or a lifetime, an interested partner is more interested in you than they are about themselves. If your partner is talking on and on about himself, you may want to take a step back. That’s a self absorbed person, there will never be room for you in the relationship. In fact the relationship between you two could be all about meeting his needs. A person who is to the slightest infatuated by you will try to impress you. It could be by gifting you or taking keen note on things that are important to you and trying to perform them for you. It could be taking time to spend time with you or demanding his friends to behave around you. Whatever it is, he will go out of his way to impress you. If the person you are with makes no effort, something might be a miss. Love is not about money, but don’t confuse that for selfishness. People in love spend quality time with their significant others. If with his little resources he still manages to take you out to dinner or a picnic, if he makes you a gift, or cooks you a meal, no matter how bad it may taste, appreciate it, and know that its from a place of love. You know what they say, it’s the thoughts that counts. Does he come to your rescue? that’s the other sign you may want to look out for. Woman call their men for the pettiest of reasons. From changing a tire to a bulb in the house. How does he react when you call? Men naturally will run at the opportunity to prove that they can be stronger and helpful. You may want to think about it Never make excuses for how a person behaves around you or treats you. You must learn to expect respect, quality and most importantly love. I hope this makes sense to you, and I pray in this month of love, cupid will come your way and overwhelm your heart with an everyday affair, let alone the 14th of February. Photo credits; https://pngtree.com/freepng/cupid_165560.html
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The Two Sides of a Coin

Dear people,

I have in the past written on the importance of each of us to find our own strength, to find each our own ground and to roll with it until it works for us. Somehow I have found a place in my spirit where I can be still and courageous to follow my dreams, they have been difficult to follow, but somehow I have found the strength to follow nonetheless.

 What I am yet to learn is how to silence the other spirits and energies that surround me. In my growing up, I was keen to surround myself with positive energy, people who believe in me and trusted that I am strong enough to make anything work for me. My slogan was greatness, I walked talked and behaved like greatness, because I believed that was my destiny.

But as life went by and the struggles begun, I somehow lost myself, greatness became farfetched and I started looking to survive a day at a time. To find today’s end meat, today’s shelter, today’s stability. I became shallow in my thoughts and convinced myself that tomorrow was not guaranteed, that only today matters.

In the same process, I opened my mind and my heart to everyone who came my way. Anyone who could make my today had an access to my spirit. It is in that struggle that I lost my energy of greatness. I was influenced by any thought that anyone had of me. If they said I was foolish, if they said I was poor, if they said I couldn’t amount to anything, I believed them, I gave them space to invade in my greatness, to push that spirit to a far off corner where it was difficult to see or reach.

These are things that are so easy to do. I will explain by example; when we were young, we all had dreams, we all knew what we wanted to be growing up. Some of us were lucky to have guardians who exposed us to all possibilities, and even for those of us who didn’t, somehow the world conspired in the innocence of our childhood to make us believe that whatever we put our mind to we can achieve.

 Some of us even dreamt of it.

Those of us who exposed ourselves to this same thought even after independence from our guardians have somehow landed ourselves close if not where we hoped to be. Those of us who lost hope or deviated from our thoughts, are still struggling to find our way. Some of us have completely lost direction, become bitter and hopeless, we have bore negative energy, and then we have carried that energy and used it to fight those with the positive energy.

Persons who are violent towards their spouses, they sack out their partner’s positive energy by consistently abusing them either verbally or physically, showing them that they are nothing and and deserve little to no respect. People who allow this to happen to them have basically given out their power of control over their lives and have accepted to die in the inside. They have accepted to let go of their positive space.

It is not just violence that sack out people’s energy, it is what we say, what we do and how we do it.

We consistently throw abuse at each other, discourage each other and try to convince each other that in no wildest imagination can we get to where we are purposing to go.

The brave people who want to retain their positive energy run away from these mentality, they go their way to find likeminded people, people who like their guardians, will expose them to all possibilities and encourage them to get to where they are purposed to be.

For me, my purpose is greatness by my own count.

I am one of the lucky few who have found my way back to my energy. I am one of the lucky few who now understand that I am the only one who can determine which direction my life choses to take. I have fought my own negativity until when I have found the positive space, and now I am willing to guide that space with all that I have got.

I write this with the risk of sounding shallow or unrelatable, but I surely hope that it’s making sense and that it will drive you to a place of analysis.

Are you among the half that are discouraged with life and who will go around passing negative energy to others? Or are you in the other half that is willing to struggle through and find our spot?

Let me know your side of the coin

 

Girl on Transit

My practical and selfish acts of love

People perceive valentines as a lady’s holiday. I feel sorry for men like my own who have to deal with two love holidays at the same time. I say so because I was born just a day away from valentines, and my birthday by all means must be celebrated. Am sure my man is not the only one experiencing this financial dilemma, how do you celebrate a birthday and a valentine’s day on a budget and still be thoughtful? Because really, this two celebrations are not about the amount of money you spend, but the thoughts that you put in it. I do not mind if someone made me dinner, switched off their phone and invested their time in me. In fact I feel like the gift of time surpasses a trip around the world. As I wrote in my previous article, and I stand to be corrected, love cannot be saved up to be celebrated once in a year, it’s a daily routine, as is many other virtues such as religion and peace. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a woman, and I still love to be celebrated, but I feel like men too need to be celebrated for their love. Any person in love or who has experienced genuine love understands that it is not a one way street, in fact it cannot be love if it only goes in one direction.  So today I would love to share with you my acts of love that I practice all round the year to ensure that my man is well saved up to include my birthday and Valentine’s Day in his acts of love. I have to keep his pocket flexible so that his imagination on how to spoil me can grow. For me this means contributing in the household. I prefer to shop for my home as an all-round act of love, and also because I am the woman and people only eat and use up what I want them to in my house.  So as he takes care of the bigger bills, I relieve him of the smaller ones like food and toiletries. I also prefer to dress the family. So I have made it my business to know when a sock is old enough or a soul is wearing out. Maybe this too is for a selfish reason, maybe I do it because I like to be well represented to the rest of the world, but I do it, and it helps to flex my man’s financial muscles when it comes to my expectations. I also save up for rainy days, because I know and understand that those too will come. So when the baby falls ill in the middle of the night at a dry time like the 18th of January, we are able to dash to the hospital and get some quality treatment. Investing in myself may sound and look like a selfish move, but a healthy and happy person attracts the right kind of energy around them. If you behave like a queen, someone will treat you like royalty, if you behave like a peasant, coins will be thrown at you as people go on their way. It’s just the laws of life, so I try to keep a standard, so that I can expect what I deserve. I will gift him randomly and unexpectedly with not necessary expensive, but meaningful, essential and functional gifts. Gifts that he will not only use but which will give him an insight on my expectations. Finally, when the rubber hits the road and things are not working as planned, I can always loan him some money and set him up in the right direction. After all, he is mine and his successes and failures are also mine. When I have all this in play, I will be expecting some act of love in this season. For you can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others. Love is not what you receive but what you give. See what I did there? What do you do as an act of love? What will you be expecting this valentines? Let me know, let’s exchange ideas
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When Grief Strikes

I have been absent online the past one week, I could not bring myself to post anything while my uncle lay cold and the family mourned him. It was the respectful thing to do. I needed time to be with family, and to grieve with them.

Usually I have a lot to say at all times, but on the day my uncle died, I froze with the phone on my ear.

I had been meaning to go see him at the hospital. For two days I postponed my visit; First time, I did not have enough money to travel to his hospital and the day after, as I was about to leave, I was informed that my uncle was being transferred to a nearby hospital and so I should wait for him to be settled. The next call after that was to inform me that he was no more.

The news of his demise numbed my entire body. I didn’t know what to say, I felt regretful for not having seen him, but also sad that he was gone. I felt sorry for my cousins, his kids and I couldn’t figure how and what to say to ease their pain.  

Related image

Photo credits: Videezy

I am quite close to my maternal uncles, by the virtue that geographically they are closer to us, my siblings and I have been loved and disciplined by them in equal measures. They have actively participated in our upbringing and for that we are quite close to them and their families. The loss of my uncle was particularly difficult because of what he meant to my mother. You see, my mother is the youngest girl among her siblings. My uncle had practically raised her, and they had a unique bond, almost like that of father and his little girl.  

Everyone in the family was sad, but I could also read thanksgiving for the time we had in earth with him. I specifically remember how his last born daughter spoke fondly of him at his funeral few days ago. There are speeches that people write when a man dies, then there is the truth, the one everyone can relate to, the one everyone will miss. We listened to her eulogize her father and we knew we all had lost someone worth mentioning.

Most of the time through the whole process I was in disbelief and didn’t know what to do to take away this pain from all these people that I love and who were grieving. Somehow the burden of seeing my people so sad sat on me and it numbed me.

I learnt a few lessons during this season. Lessons that often come quietly.

  1. Life comes and life goes, it’s important we make the best out of it. It’s important that we leave our best life yet, so that when we are gone we leave behind an impacted people. People who won’t have to compose a tribute, because your life was a testimony and it is easy to remember what you stood for.
  2. Do not lose a chance to tell someone that you love them. This life is too unpredictable. Don’t wait for tomorrow, only NOW is guaranteed.
  3. It’s not in our control. We’ve got to find the strength to carry on, and to carry with us the many memories we shared with those that depart from us.
  4. There is always grace, and no one is loved less because of losing a loved one. We’ve got to believe in that love, we’ve got to believe that grace will carry us through
  5. It will still hurt, the pain will never go away, but again with grace, it shall be to us as it is meant to be

Rest in eternal peace uncle. May the heavens receive you and the earths never forget you.

Things that matter

It’s All About The Money

Today my creative juices are not flowing right. I have been staring at my computer for four hours trying to figure exactly how am writing today’s blog. Don’t get me wrong, I have the theme, I know what I want to talk about, but sometime it’s just difficult to arrange my thoughts in writing and in a way that someone else can understand. It’s a struggle, a brain paralysis; you know you are there, but you can’t prove that you are there. You are blank. Is it relatable? Am I making sense?

My brain is having a mood today, and to think that a colleague suggested that I blog daily, how can I possibly do that? I think that women who blog daily are super heroes. How do they do it? Don’t tell me about a schedule. You can always have an idea, as you see I have one, but executing this is just a supernatural thing.

If you have been following me since, you know for a fact that it’s a struggle. I find it miraculous that so far I have been able to jot something every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

I think am making sense.

Am not sure.

Am I?  

Am still struggling with the ‘cool girls’. These women are difficult to catch up with, they are busy, I think they are what we call the proverbs 31 kind. They play their roles all rounded and want very little credit for it. Even with that in mind, you won’t believe who had a sit down with me this week. I will soon tell you all about her.

I may be getting destructed, lets go back to my brain. I should probably see a psychologist or some sort of special doctor to tell me why sometime my brain has a mood. A mood so strong that I have to destruct it, sometimes with a book, a movie or even ice cream, before it decides to cooperate.

But these doctors are also a moody lot. Their moods controlled by money. How do I trust them to lure my brain to stillness when they have betrayed their calling for money? It’s not a false accusation, you can bear testament yourself. How many times have you gone to hospital and you are sent to the cashier before the consultation room? It’s worse when you have an insurance cover, you will go in with a fractured arm and end up having a pap smear or getting tested for syphilis in the lab. They may add in some urinalysis and unnecessary drugs just to milk out money from your insurer.

It’s all about the money. We have equated life to money. So much so that people are actually jumping off buildings and committing familicide because they can’t keep up.

What happened to live and let live? We have become selfish, self-centered and any other self-made word for benefit self.

If I am promoted to a senior position, I save all the other positions for my unqualified relatives. If I am privileged to have access to extra resources, everything else must be on sale, I must get the money. Nothing is enough, everything is too little.

So today am thinking about that woman laying on a stroller with her sick child unattended because their relative is still processing her admission.  This is because the hospital’s administration has to weigh their value before taking in the patient.

I am thinking of that patient who would rather stay at home and endure the pain because they have to raise enough money before showing up at a hospital, God forbid their sickness is more than what they have saved for.

I am also thinking of all the hospitals that think of the monetary value that a patient brings before their life. I am thinking of hospitals with financial targets, the ones that have forced their staffers to forsake their humanity and see lives as walk-in money.

 I am thinking of them especially because I know we have lost the value for life, we have forgotten to care for each other, we have become our own worst enemies.

Oh yea, My brain, still surprising me, don’t you think?

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Let’s Talk About the Secret Stash!!

It’s already the third week into the New Year, how time flies. Less than a month ago we were making merry, feasting as if there was no tomorrow and traveling from one point to another. The hired vehicles are finally settling back in the car yards and the insurance fellows are already working to re-embers those that got into accidents. Too bad life cannot be re-embersed.  People also lost their lives, some from car accidents, some from drowning at the coast and others from food poisoning. It’s sad that such wonderful times can also bring so much pain, surely the consequence of love is grief.

So funerals are being planned, people are being buried. It’s a short reunion, sometimes reuniting you with people that you did not think existed in the first place.

One thing that is always anticipated when an African man dies, is for a second and even third woman aside from the one known and legally married to show up at the funeral with kids resembling the diseased and lay claim on shares of his wealth. These women, call them co wives, concubines or flings will never show up when the man is alive, you may never suspect they exist until that day when you are most grieved and trying to piece together what life will look like without your dear husband. Then you learn that he had children with other women, he stepped out on your marriage and sired a clan you knew nothing about.

If you evade this, the funeral ends and you settle back into your life, it is anticipated that a relative or two of the diseased who feel that more than the legitimate wife (the one who worked alongside her husband and in most cases pushed her husband to however little or however much wealth they acquired) deserve a huge share of his belongings will show up and open your healing wounds, forgetting the children and sometimes business partners of the diseased.

I am not creating this scenarios in my head, it’s a common occurrence all over Africa, even among prominent people that we end up learning about in the newspapers and media stations. It’s usually a big mess, especially if the diseased did not leave any will or clear inheritance structure. The family is usually left to tear itself apart.

The only reason I am bringing this up is to explain why I feel women, married monogamous or polygamous and those in illegitimate arrangements have secret bank accounts, secret investments and secret structured plan Bs should anything happen to their spouses.

Am sure there are exceptional women as there are men. Men who openly talk about their finances and insecurities with their wives. Men who will bring up the difficult conversations of affairs and infidelity and responsible men who consistently update their families on everything that happens and that may concern them at all times. Those men we celebrate, we will talk about them on a later post, as we will women who practice the same level of genuineness.

While all men and women in marriage are encouraged to practice openness, the women who I must say are quit secretive have managed to keep secrets bigger than just finances. I guess this explains how even the greatest terrorist has a wife and a family behind him. It’s the power of a woman’s secrecy.

A woman will contribute to the family’s joint account and monthly expenditure and somehow still manage a secret investment or bank account. It’s common for even elderly women to advice new brides to learn to keep secrets as much as they encourage them to work with their husbands towards a brighter future. 

I don’t blame them, why won’t they? They speak from their personal experience. So many times we have heard stories of men abandoning their homes for the alcohol dens. Children have been discontinued from school and slept on empty stomachs as a result.

Today there are men that commit their money to gambling, it has become open and acceptable.  Then unexpectedly, you are behind on your mortgage or worse of, you are facing auctioneers. Men have mysteriously dropped off planet earth or simply chased away their families in favor of a younger brood.

Even if we turned a blind eye to death that knocks unexpectedly, there is no telling what else may hit you, so women prefer to be ready, especially when they have observed something suspicious that is not necessarily co-wives or greedy neighbors and relatives.

In my own opinion, I feel like families, especially the nuclear unit should be open to speak about matters that may affect their mental, social and physical health, no matter how heavy the topics may be. I feel women who have seen a reason to be justified to save up for rainy days, should keep that necessary secret. Who would dare blame a woman for looking out for her family? Otherwise everything should be open on the table.

Let me know what you think on this topic. Should women have a secret stash? Must they disclose their income to their partners? Must there be a joint account for married people?

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The Sins of The Sin Seat – Kenyan PSV…

I sat on the front seat of a matatu (a minibus or similar vehicle used for public transportation) few days ago. My intention was to sit by the window on the co-driver’s seat. The front seats were the only available seats in that vehicle.I was in a hurry, I needed to be somewhere fast. I had come from a meeting with my brother, my youngest brother. The one who was brave enough to ditch his Information Technology undergraduate studies to start a fresh and follow the footsteps of his older sister, me. It is this move and many others he has made in his childhood that has had us getting into business.

My brother is a photojournalist, he has just finished his final exams and he needed to do some practice with me. I am proud of this boy, scratch that, man. I am proud of this man. When you are born of the same womb you forget protocols and respectful words, don’t blame me, I changed his diapers.

Anyway,  I had finished our meeting and was on my way to run other errands. The traffic drugged like what is now our old trains, the ones we used before SGR. If you have been in a matatu in Kenya, you know these vehicles will take whatever corner they have to so as to get to their destination. Then they will do the same to go back to wherever they came from. I hear its about money, targets and business.

The matatu was moving when someone opened the door where my hand was hanging as I took in the breeze of a moving vehicle like a pet Dog. He pushed me to the sin seat as he occupied the co-driver’s seat. I call it the sin seat because of the heinous acts that are committed to people who sit on it.

Now, this is not to bragged, but I know for a fact like many other ladies that dresses complement my figure well. I love to look good, and I feel that all women should feel safe in any place to look decently good without the fear of someone lusting after them beyond their imagination.

The man, who like a hooligan, joined me at the front of the matatu was fairly built, his chest was wide and his legs long. He sat with his legs wide open, so open that I had to squeeze in my seat so that we do not contact each other. Already I was feeling violated, I did not understand why he sat as if he was in his father’s farm milking a cow, that is story for another day. What added salt into injury was when the driver decided that he will caress my thighs with his hands. I noticed that this was intentional because he stretched his hands beyond the gear stick. He intentionally stretched his fingers to reach me and wanted to lay them on me for a a few seconds. For a few minutes I tried to warn him with a glare, but I realized this one needed more than a glare.I threatened to raise an alarm, which caused the driver to comfortably inform me that he will defend himself by blaming it on the gear stick. He clearly knew what he was doing, and he had a plan of how he would get out of it.

While narrating this to my girlfriends, I realized that this is not a one case scenario, drivers for a long time have used the excuse of the gear stick to illegally caress girls in the matatu. A girl said to me that one day the driver almost broke the gear stick as he stretched his fingers and pulled up her dress.

It is in this same
public vehicles that few years ago, women were asaulted for wearing short
skirts according to the staffers description. Some of the calprits are
presently serving their sentences in Kenyan prisons.

No woman or man, has
however raised or complained about the sin seat behavior, or how it must be
considered as a sexual harassment.

The man next to me
watched and smiled as I threw a tantrum and demanded to alight from the
vehicle. Had he spoken up, I feel the driver would have been embarassed of his
behavior, but then again, how could he have spoken up when he himself behaved
so uncoothly. How could he when he was busy enjoying my rants instead?

We need to create a society where such conversations can be done openly and without fear. We need to shame all culprits by becoming fearless on speaking about matters of sexual abuse. It is unfair that the innocent is the one who has to leave in shame as the criminal continues his life without any consequences.

If you have experienced any form of abuse in the public transport, if you have been spanked, rubbed inappropriately or raped, this is the time to shame these people. It is time that all women stand in one corner and speak in one voice for the sake of the future boys and men.

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